The Princess and the Puke

In my three short months as a mommy, I’ve been peed on, pooped on and puked on more times than I’d like to count. It’s part of the job description and I don’t really mind at all. But yesterday, my sweet little Princess puked on me in public for what I can only assume will be the first time of many more to come.

      

I’ve been on a major organization and productivity kick lately. So, I had my Thursday to-do list ready and was checking off items left and right. It was mid-afternoon and I was feeling quite proud of myself for all that I’d accomplished in the morning hours, despite my fussy baby. I had Lady Lucie all strapped into her car seat and we were zooming through the grocery store trying to hurry and finish so that I could get home in time to have dinner ready and on the table by the time Daddy got home from work. I kinda felt like Supermom. We were only about 10 minutes and 3 items away from being completely finished she started to get a little fussy, which as I mentioned before she had been doing all day, and then it got a little bit worse. Wanting to avoid a major public meltdown, I picked up my sweet Angel out of her car seat to comfort her and all of a sudden I heard a cough. Then a gag. And before I could say “what’s wrong baby?” there was a flood of puke coming out of this tiny little infant. And when I say flood, I mean flood. She put mother nature to shame in point five seconds. Noah could have had a second run with that arc with the amount of puke she spit at me. It was everywhere. All over me, all over her, and all over the floor of the grocery store. I just stood there, frozen. Now what? I had a cart full of groceries, dreams of the perfect dinner dancing in my head; and now, there’s white-colored baby vomit everywhere.  

     Lucie, of course, instantly felt better and started smiling and cooing sounds of happiness and relief (so that was what was bothering her all morning). I, on the other hand, was completely mortified and a little (ok, a lot) grossed out. After a couple seconds of immobility, I put my tail between my legs, and started looking for a store employee to let them know that not only was I going to leave them a cart full of my crap to put away, but they needed to clean up the awful mess that my 3 month old had just made for them. All the while, with every step I took, the baby vomit continues to drip off of me, leaving a trail behind that even Hansel and Gretel couldn’t lose. People were staring. Children were pointing.

     Yep, welcome to motherhood. All of the other moms out there can surely relate, but that pimply-faced Wal Mart kid wasn’t nearly as understanding. But screw him, what does he know anyway? This wasn’t my first time to get puked on, and I know it won’t be the last. As moms we take it all in stride, because, really what other choice is there? And honestly, I was just glad that she felt better.

     Just another day in paradise.

     And, mom, you can stop laughing now. I know you’re enjoying this far more than you should.