Oct 12, 2011

Nine Months

It's kinda crazy what nine months can do. It can make a baby. Then it can (and will) take said baby from newborn infant to a crawling, babbling, laughing, opinionated little person.

The nine months of pregnancy seemed to last a lifetime. Looking back, I think that it's because you're living in a perpetual state of wait. Especially if it's your first child, you can't help but spend the entire nine months thinking only of being pregnant. You read books, watch videos, take classes, browse the baby stores...... Just thinking about it all. Dreaming about holding your baby for the first time. Wondering about what birth will be like. Worrying about absolutely everything under the sun. The days seem to drag on for years, and the weeks are mini-milleniums. (I'm told that the subsequent pregnancies go by quicker because you're busier; but for me, that remains to be seen.)

While I was pregnant and even after I had Lucie, I absolutely swore I was done. Never again, I said! NEVER!! Oh giving birth was amazing. Best experience of my entire life thus far. But the 37 weeks and 3 days leading up to it........?? Misery.

I really didn't like being pregnant (and I had an easy one!!) And I really hated that my entire life seemed to have been put on pause while I waited for this big event to happen. I was miserable, and just so ready to regain ownership of my body and my life in general. I remember being about 4 months into it all and telling my mother in law "I feel like I'm hitting the wall with this pregnancy thing" to which she responded "Let me just tell you... you haven't even seen the wall yet." Ohhh how right she was!

While I moped around the house feeling sorry for my pregnant self, I forgot to savor the stillness of our life, the calm of being childless, and the peace of mind that went along with knowing that I was still only responsible for me.

Today, Lucie is nine months old, and all I can think about is Where did the time go? Has it really been nine entire months? How did this happen? In a stark contrast to being pregnant, these nine months have flown by as if it's been only a few days versus the better part of a year. The days seem too short, the weeks are all blending together and all of a sudden my baby is gaining more and more independence. (She can feed herself now! What!?) I find myself rocking her in our rocking chair just a little bit longer each night, staring at her, just trying to breathe it all in. Because somewhere I know that it will come to an end. My baby will continue growing; she will turn into a child, then a teenager (shudder) and eventually an adult. The baby-days are numbered and I don't want to miss anything.

All of this has really helped me put into perspective how short the nine months of pregnancy actually is. I find myself with a touch of the baby fever (ohh no!) and all thoughts of "I'm never doing this again" seem to have vanished from my brain. I hope that next time (if there is a next time) I can appreciate the nine months of pregnancy much more than I did with Lucie, and I can allow myself to savor the quiet moments with my husband and child before the madness of being a new mom sets in yet again.

It really is crazy what nine months can do. For me, most of all, nine months has given me an entirely new perspective.

And I am so very thankful.


FyshWyfe said...

Oh, Landrie, I loved this. Written very well, and yes, your second pregnancy will be very different. I can't wait to see you do it again! :-D

Karen Dawkins said...

Ohhhh what a sweet post. LOVED IT!!!!

I had two difficult pregnancies and wouldn't trade the pain and fear and frustration for anything. My boys are simply amazing!!!! I say that and they are 17 1nd 14! :)

Enjoy the time you have.... soon you'll be posting how fast 9 years passes...